Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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