he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
