I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
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The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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