but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
