i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
