I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
