She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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