i don't plan on having that self control this summer
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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