Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
