apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
