New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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