Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
