I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
