Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
