If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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