Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
