I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
