Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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