youre lurking in front of me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
