I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
