@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
