recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
