my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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