She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
