I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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