Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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