I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
