You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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