I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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