I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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