genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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