I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize