im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
