All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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