If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
