Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
