2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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