All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize