Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I party with great urgency now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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