he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
