My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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