Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize