I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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