..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
