Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
