I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
FUCK WHALES
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
