Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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