these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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