I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
