I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I said "one day" and that day is not today
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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