so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
