And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
