just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
