When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
