Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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