i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
