this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
