get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
