Yo dont text me then not text me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
