I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
