Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
