im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
