I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
