I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
