i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
