Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
