I puked a lego.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize