You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
