9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize