I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize